Friday, February 15, 2008

Junk Drawer Garbage

I like cbs.sportsline.com. They have a bunch of good sportswriters and they genuinely cover a nice range of topics/players. But I might have to reassess my opinion of them when this puddle of brain leakage care of NaterB makes it to the main baseball page. I can almost understand why people running these things prefer baseball insiders to outsiders, and writers who know nothing about baseball to non-writers who know the game. But why would you feature someone who both can't write and has the baseball knowledge of a casual Joe Morgan fan? On with it:

Boston - They won the division and the Pennant last year. So why mess with success? They only got rid of guys like Eric Gagne and Matt Clement, that didn't perform for them last year. So their only real addition of back-up 1B Sean Casey should be enough to keep 'em on top.

I seem to remember them winning something in addition to the division and pennant last year. Probably my imagination. Let me try to follow the rest, the Red Sox had success last year so no reason to try to improve...except they dropped some dead weight (more like didn't re-sign some dead weight)...and the addition of Sean Casey will be what's responsible for keeping them on top? Sounds like a plan I guess.

N.Y. Yankees - After their bismal start last year, the Yanks came on strong towards the end. The major thing that the Yankess did was dismiss a lot of the distractions and controversies. Joe Torre is gone, and the media has stopped the nonsense about Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. It will be interesting to see hwo the new managercan handle all the talent and egos on this team. Another key to look out for is the injuries to some of their aging players. Still, no way they don't wind up either 1 or 2 in this division.

See, I might use actual words to describe the Yankees' start last year, I guess that's how I differ from a featured blogger at "superstar" level. Glad to see the Yankees dismissed Mr. Distraction Joe Torre. Honestly I don't know how they ever functioned with him around. And Now that writers will no longer be on A-Rod's case (since he finally won that elusive 3rd MVP award presumably) and there are no other distractions in Yankees camp NaterB confidently proclaims that the Yankees will finish in one of the two places they've finished every year since 1992. Also props to only 4 typos in one small paragraph Nater.

Toronto - Typically when teams trade big men it's always going to be a toss-up. As long as Scott Rolen remains healthy, the combonation of Roloen and David Eckstein has a lot more upside than the loss of Troy Glaus. This will help them edge ever closer to the Red Sox and Yankees, but they've still got a long way to go.

Times phrase "big men" has been used to describe NBA centers....429,412.3. Times "big men" has been used to describe important pieces of MLB teams....1. It's always a toss up too didn't you know? By this reasoning: Albert Pujols for Alex Gordon....Toss Up, Ian Kinsler for Johan Santana....Toss Up, Bengie Molina for Alex Rodriguez....Toss Up. Also did you know that when you combone some very injured veteran guy named Roloen and a no-hit, no-field, no carnival rides for you gnome you get more upside than a 0.858 career OPS monster who's younger than both of them? Not sure what "ever closer" means here, since the Blue Jays finished ahead of the Red Sox in 2006 and took a big step back last year.

Tampa Bay - The Rays have made some changes... new park, new design... even got rid of the "devil." Troy Percival, Matt Garza, Cliff Floyd are nice pickups in an attempt to get the "devil off their shoulder." In the end these will be the same sub-par expansion team that they have been in the past. They just can't compete with the top of this division.

Matt Garza is a nice pickup. Cliff Floyd and Troy Percival have sent Andrew Friedman gift baskets for giving them major league contracts. I can just picture how pleased with himself Nater must have been after making the "Devil" joke. So pleased that he had to use it again one sentence later.

Baltimore - Minor league prospects are a major part of baseball, especially if a team is looking for longevity. The Diamondbacks and Rockies playing in the NL Championship last year was perfect proof of this. Now the O's have jumped on the band wagon and gave up Erik Bedard Miguel Tejada to do it... I just don't think its a recipe for success in the AL because of the offensive mindset. So either the O's are making the riskiest move in recent baseball history or they've officially gone into "rebuild" status.

Number of major league players to play in the NLCS last year: 50. Number of minor leaguers: 0. I don't know who this guy with 4 names is, but if his trade led to a rules change in baseball then he must have been damn good. I don't even know how to make fun of the rest of this paragraph, it's quite simply the dumbest thing I've ever read about baseball and I want to punch that stolen child off his shoulder because of it.

Cleveland - For the most part Cleveland stood firm and didn't make a lot of player movements. Outside of adding Japanese pitcher Masahide Kobayashi (I keep thinking of "The Usual Suspects" when I read his name) to their lineup which should bolster their pitching. If C.C. Sabathia can have a repeat year this will be one of the best pitching teams in the AL. They won't be the surprise team they were last year.

Number of times Masahide's been compared to hot dog eating champ: 4,211. Number of times compared to lawyer from the Usual Suspects: not as many. Hot dog one is still funnier. Interesting that he thinks the key to the Indians' pitching staff is the established Sabathia repeating a career line and not Carmona repeating a line grossly out of line with his career stats. In what way will the Indians not surprise in 2007 like in 2008? They won't blow a 3-1 lead in the ALCS? They won't be playoff contenders? I'm confused.

Detroit : In an attempt to keep up with Cleveland the Tigers have finally wrestled Dontrelle Willis away from the Marlins. I expect great things out of him, despite his down year last year. They've also added Edgar Renteria to their lineup while only giving up Sean Casey and Omar Infante. They'll be nipping at the heels of the Indians this year.

As we move from the simple dash to the space/colon combo Nater writes the one Tigers 2008 blurb in existence that doesn't mention Miguel Cabrera. But pinch hitter Sean Casey gets mentioned for the 2nd time in his 2008 AL predictions.

Chi. White Sox - Their off-season pick-ups of Scott Linebrink, Orlando Cabrera, Octavio Dotel, Nick Swisher, and Carlos Quentin should rocket them past the Twins this year. Many of these players are role players, so despite picking up some solid players the losses of Scott Podsednik and Darin Erstad will hurt.

Back to the dashes now. I'm starting to get tired of trades being referred to as "pick-ups" as if the Rays (no Devil lawlz!1!) didn't give up a good player for Garza and the White Sox picked O-Cab from a stylish hand-shake tree. The second sentence here is neither correct factually or grammatically but does put the words "Erstad" and "hurt" pretty close together so I'll give him partial credit.

Minnesota - Probably the biggest losers in the off season moves this team is going to be a shell of it's mediocre performance from last year. They lost house-hold players Johan Santana, Torii Hunter, and Carlos Silva. They had a few nice pick-ups, but without the masterful pitching of Santana this team is in trouble, especially when you consider that Livan Hernandez is now a starter in the AL (I can only imagine how much is 4.25 carreer ERA in the NL will explode now that he's in the AL). Their losses far outweight their gains and they'll take a big step backwards this year.

Shell of mediocre = better/worse than mediocre?

Also, Carlos Silva is only a household name in the Silva household.

Also the accuracy of "They had a few nice pick-ups" depends heavily on how many people Delmon Young is.

Kansas City - Picking up role players and guys in the twilight of their carreers is not a way to pull yourselves out of the cellar in the AL. I like the pick up of Jose Guillen. Alberto Callaspo and Brett Tomko will have positive roles for the team, but are not going to make a significant difference for this team. I'm curious to see how the pick-up of Japanese relief pitcherYasuhiko Yabuta works out for them. They didn't lose an incredible amount, but Jason LaRue, Mike Sweeney and Emil Brown were all consistent players.

Picking up role players and guys in the twilight of their carreers is bad, but he likes the pickups of Brett Tomko (carreer disappointment), Alberto Callaspo (carreer .552 OPS), Jose Guillen (carreer malcontent), and he's cautiously optimistic about Yabuta? Did the Royals even have any other additions last offseason? As for the losses, Jason LaRue slugged .272 in 66 games last year, Mike Sweeney doesn't come up in an espn.com player search for "Sweeney", and Emil Brown slugged .347. I think they'll survive.

L.A. Angels - They won the division in a landslide last year, and they did a nice job with the few off-season moves they made (similar to most teams at the top of their divisions). They got a great pick-up in Torii Hunter, and Jon Garland will prove to be a solid innings eater to add to their already loaded r. They lost Orlando Cabrera, but I think its more than compensated for by Hunter. They will win the division, but not quite as handily because of the off-season moves that Seattle made.

[x] Loss of SS compensated by second overpaid CF on the team.
[x] Nater is a non-bias Halos fan.
[x] Fewer than 7 missing letters in word "rotation."

Seattle - They did a nice job this offseason with the free agency market by picking up Carlos Silva, Brad Wilkerson, and Erik Bedard. All three of these guys will be instant impact players to go alongside Ichiro. They lost Ben Broussard, Jose Guillen, but they'll be much more consistent and solid than last year. It will be interesting to see how this one pans out.

That's two mentions each for Carlos Silva and Jose Guillen now but still no Miguel Cabrera sightings.
[x] Erik Bedard was a free agent.
[x] checkboxes.
[x] Seattle blurb mentioned Felix Hernandez.

Texas - They lost Freddy Guzman and Brad Wilkerson, and took some risks to replace them by signing Jason Jennings, Eddie Guardado, Kazuo Fukumori and Milton Bradley. They're going to be in the middle of the pack in the AL, but won't be able to effectively challenge the Mariners or the Angels.

They'll be in the middle of the pack (i.e. not a contender) BUT they won't be able to challenge the Angels for first...or the Mariners for 2nd (2nd place NOT middle of the pack in a division of 4 teams). Freddy Guzman is a tough loss though, he slugged nearly 500 points over his carreer mark last year.

Oakland - If it weren't for the horrible off-season moves by the A's, the Rangers would have this spot. As usual, the A's are known for paying a little and expecting a lot, and their off-season moves showed just that. They picked up a lot of nobody's and prospects in an attempt to replace Jeff DaVanon, Dan Haren, Mark Kotsay, and Nick Swisher. This off-season is going to come back and bite them in the end.

You are a dumbshit. That is all.



One more thing, Jeff DaVanon has twice had a lower slugging than on base.

2 Comments:

Blogger John said...

blogspot where my pics at?

1:00 PM  
Blogger Timothy said...

You're a very bitter man.

8:22 AM  

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